


Absence of Fear

by Elistar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-18 16:29:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1435174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elistar/pseuds/Elistar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tonks spends the night by the fire after Sirius' death</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absence of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first ever fic so please consider my inexperience when reading – it’s also un-beta’d.  
> Not mine; just playing  
> Song lyrics from “Absence of Fear” by Jewel  
> Any and all comments, advice etc most welcome

Inside my skin  
There is this space  
It twists and turns  
It bleeds and aches  
Inside my heart  
There's an empty room  
It's waiting for lightning  
It's waiting for you

He found her sat staring into the dying embers of the kitchen fire. Her hair had taken on its natural black, shoulder length appearance and for once she was in her purely natural form. He couldn’t help but think how lonely she looked. It had been three months since Sirius’ death and he had hardly seen her smile since then. Although he hadn’t really have been the life and soul of the party either. 12 Grimmauld Place was busy with frequent visits from the other members of the Order of the Phoenix and, since Voldemort’s return had become public knowledge, the Order and the house had been busier than ever. She always seemed somehow distant from everything around her. He couldn’t blame her, she was running low on decent relatives and her aunt had taken one of the last ones from her. She had every reason to distance herself but he was still concerned that there was something else troubling her - beyond the obvious.

I am wanting and  
I am needing you  
To be here  
Inside the absence of fear

When he came into the kitchen he was amazed by how far away she seemed; she didn’t even stir until he said her name. As she turned her head he thought how beautiful she was when she wasn’t disguised as someone else. He always felt privileged that he was one of the few people she felt comfortable enough around to be her real self. It was probably because of his own “disguise” that Tonks felt able to show him her natural appearance.  
“What do you want Remus?” she asked, barely looking up from the fire. “You need sleep” he replied, avoiding the direct question he had been asked. “No,” Tonks muttered, “I asked what you wanted. You can’t just be down here by chance - or am I not the only one in the damned house with insomnia?” Remus allowed himself a small smile; even in her current distracted state she was still as forceful and determined as ever. 

Muscle and sinew  
Velvet and stone  
This vessel is haunted  
It creaks and moans  
My bones call to you  
In a separate skin  
I'll make myself translucent  
To let you in

He knew it was probably the most selfish thing he had done in a long time but he knew he needed to tell her the depth of his feelings, the real reason he couldn’t sleep, the real reason he had listened for her coming up the stairs. Remus Lupin was no coward but he had kept his true feelings to himself since she had joined the order. He had been quite shy at school leaving Sirius and James to chase the ladies; he had quite enough problems to deal with without adding girls into the equation. He had also been concerned about how Sirius would react to Remus trying to court his favourite cousin; he had always been quite protective of Tonks. Since Sirius was gone there had been a void in both of their lives. As strange and bizarre as it seemed, he finally felt now was the time to come clean.

I am wanting and  
I am needing you  
To be here  
Inside the absence  
Of fear

“Tonks, I think we need to talk about something.” He started hesitantly, “I have no desire to talk about him so if that’s what you want you need to find someone else, I haven’t the strength,” her words sounded harsh but the tone was resigned. “No, about us.” Tonks sat up for the first time since he had come downstairs and said in a confused tone, “what about us? Is there an us?” Remus plucked up all the courage he could muster and uttered the words that he had been frightened of for more than a year, “I’d like there to be.”  
Tonks took a very deep breath and exhaled slowly, seeming to measure her words carefully before she spoke “do you really feel that this, the middle of a war is the time to start anything and besides I don’t have anything left in me to give to anyone else.” As she whispered the next words her voice quavered and she seemed weak for the first time since he had met her, “I can’t feel anything anymore.” He sat next to her on the sofa and pulled her into his arms; he rocked her gently and said quietly “will you allow me to help you try?” 

There is the splendour of this  
Secret inside of me  
And it knows that you're no stranger  
You're my gravity  
My hands will adore you through all darkness  
And they will lay you out in moonlight  
And reinvent your name

As she glanced up at him she realised that she was looking at something other than a brother, friend or mentor, she was looking at a man who could be so much more. Although it was very early days, for the first time in months she felt the first fluttering of hope and she was content to sit there, feeling safe in his embrace as he gently kissed her on the forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review if you have time; I'd love some feedback. Thank you


End file.
